Wild Wild West
by Whammy
Summary: Santana is the sheriff and must rescue the mayor's daughter Brittany from the evil Susie Sylvester. Crackfic, Brittana and Faberry goodness!


Wild Wild West

Santana is the sheriff.

Quinn is her deputy.

Rachel takes care of the horses and sings in the bar.

Kurt plays piano in the bar/informant.

Puck is the bartender/forced informant.

Brittany is the mayor's daughter who gets kidnapped by Sue Sylvester.

Sue is the bad guy. Duh.

I own nothing.

Let the games begin.

* * *

Santana was tired. Being the sheriff of a small town was more work than she ever intended. For some reason, people were always stealing each other's stuff, shooting each other, and kidnapping women and children. It was exhausting catching them, beating them down, and taking them to the county jail. The biggest criminal of them all though was Miss Susie Sylvester. She stole from the weak, shot at the hopeless, and had kidnapped three beautiful girls to put them on her "cheerleading squad." Whatever that meant. She put her legs up on the desk and tipped her cowboy hat down so she could take a nap. Finn Hudson, the town fool, was the only one in a cell and he wasn't going to cause any trouble. Unfortunately, the sheriff's nap didn't last too long because Deputy Quinn Fabray loudly barged a minute later.

"What the hell Quinn?"

"Sorry to wake you up from your nap _Sheriff_, but she's done it again."

Quinn was still bitter that Santana had been elected sheriff over her, but she knew this wasn't the time to deal with it.

"Seriously? Why can't she just give it a rest?"

"Because she's evil? I don't know. This time it's different though. It's Brittany, Mayor Pierce's daughter."

"Shit. When did it happen?" Santana was not in the mood for another kidnapping. Susie was sneaky and seemed to work during her weakest time of day- the morning.

"This morning."

"Who the hell kidnaps people in the morning?"

"I hear she has 'cheerleading' practice at 6 in the morning."

"What a sick son of a bitch. That's just cruel."

"Yeah, well we better get on this because the mayor was already mad and now that his daughter's kidnapped," Quinn trailed.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Let's head down to Puck's Saloon. I'm sure he's heard something."

"Always to the saloon," Quinn mumbled under her breath, rolling her eyes.

"I heard that," said Santana, shooting her a look. She stood up, straightened her dark hat and buttoned her vest back up. She grabbed her gun off the desk and put in the holster riding low on her hip. As much as Quinn hated Santana, she could not deny that she was super hot. But, Quinn shook her head, knowing she had someone hotter and nicer to go home to, straightened up her lighter hat and marched out of the office, across the street to the saloon with her boss.

They entered the always busy saloon without bringing any attention to themselves. Quinn pulled down her tight leather vest; there were always drunken jerks in the saloon, whistling and slurring comments to her and Santana. The sheriff, however, didn't seem to mind, and kept walking until she reached the bar. The owner of this fine establishment was also its bartender and gossip always reached him from the mouths of drunkards.

"Hey sheriff, what can I do you for?" asked Puck smugly.

"Shut up Puckerman. Listen, the mayor's daughter has been kidnapped and I need to find her. Have you heard anything about the whereabouts of Susie Sylvester?"

"I don't know, maybe I have, maybe I haven't."

While Santana dealt with the annoying bartender, Quinn went off to the piano. There, she found Rachel and Kurt, the songstress and her pianist. They tended to gossip much more than Puck because they weren't always trying to hit on her the way Puck was with the sheriff. Rachel already had her and Kurt… Well Kurt didn't like women.

"Hey sugar," the deputy said, spinning Rachel around for a kiss.

"Quinn! I was just going to come over to the sheriff's office to see you!" she said with her larger than life smile.

"Well, I hope it has to do with the kidnapping of the mayor's daughter because we have no leads at all."

"Well, you're in luck deputy because I overheard something helpful this morning," Kurt replied.

"Spit it out!" Quinn demanded. "Sorry, we just have to solve this case. Can you tell me what you know?"

"Well, you see, Kurt overheard two of Susie's henchmen-" Rachel started, but was cut off by Kurt.

"Yes, I heard them talking about moving the spot of their practice tomorrow morning. They said something about a confetti blaster? I don't know what that is, but I do know that that means they have to move the four kidnapped girls tomorrow and they will be vulnerable!" Kurt said, pleased with himself.

"Did you hear where?" Quinn asked impatiently.

"Sorry," Kurt replied.

"But that's good news! That means that they will be easier to catch tomorrow morning! So you can rescue the mayor's daughter and you and Santana will be town heroes!" Rachel excitedly said to fill the awkward.

"Yeah, thank-" Quinn started, but was interrupted by a loud crash at the bar. She turned around to see Santana throwing Puck against the wall (yes, she was freakishly strong like that) and causing bottles of liquor to fall onto the dirty floor. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and held him up against the wall, not allowing for escape.

Quinn rushed over to the bar and Santana turned around and instructed her to pull her weapon.

"Now Quinn, you're going to have to shoot our friend here if he doesn't answer my question. Are you okay with that?" Santana asked, garnering a nod from Quinn. "Good. Alright, for the last time Puck, where did you hear would be a better practice area for Susie Sylvester's cheerleaders?"

"Shit Sheriff, I was just trying to have a little fun! But I heard that they would be at Rattlesnake Canyon."

With that, Santana let go of Puck, causing him to fall to the floor, and Quinn put away her weapon. Rachel ran up to Quinn and whispered, "That was so hot," into her ear. Quinn smiled, wishing she was done with work.

"Alright you two, we have to go investigate Rattlesnake Canyon so we can catch that son of a bitch tomorrow morning. Dammit, morning. Rachel, go ready our horses," Santana instructed. Quinn shot her a look, which caused her to add a please to her demand. The sheriff rolled her eyes, secretly thinking the two were cute together. Rachel returned a minute later, with the horses ready to go.

"Thanks babe," Quinn grinned.

"Stop being gross, we have a kidnapper to catch."

"Oh whatever, you're just jealous," Quinn retorted, kissing Rachel goodbye.

"Be safe! I'm making stew for dinner, no meat of course," Rachel said.

Everyone laughed at Rachel for not eating meat, but Quinn didn't have time to beat them all up. She exited the saloon with Santana. The two jumped onto their horses and rode off towards Rattlesnake Canyon.

"Deputy?" Santana asked, breaking the silence they had been riding in for ten minutes.

"Don't act like we haven't known each other our whole lives San. What?"

"How did you know you, you know?"

"Uh what?"

"How did you know you didn't like men?" Santana asked, turning red.

"Oh, well that's easy. I hate facial hair, the smell of beer, and belching of men. Rachel is beautiful and she makes me feel different inside. Like there are little critters in my stomach or something."

"Okay. Don't tell anyone I asked you."

"Of course not. Though you pretend to think Rachel and I are gross, I know you'd arrest anyone who gave us any trouble."

Quinn smiled and the two rode the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. When they reached Rattlesnake Canyon, the two began to scout a hideout place for when they would return early the next morning. Santana did not want to wake up so early, but for the sake of Brittany (and the other girls, she supposed) she would do it.

"There is nowhere good to hide. We're going to have to ride in, guns a blazing. Ambush them."

"Great, Rachel's not going to be happy about this dangerous plan at all," Quinn muttered under her breath.

"Yeah, well sometimes, that's the only way. Besides, I'm sure she'll reward you for doing such a good job-" Santana teased.

"Ew! Santana! Shut up! That is none of your business!" Quinn freaked out.

"Oh, don't be such a prude."

"Then tell me why you were asking me how I knew I liked girls!"

"Have you seen Brittany Pierce?" Santana let out, without thinking.

"Santana! Is that why you want to do this guns a blazing! To show off to some girl you like?"

"Well, uh. There is no other way! I'm the sheriff and I get to decide!"

"Fine," Quinn said, crossing her arms. "You know we're going to have to leave by 5 for your little plan to work, right?"

"Shut up, I know. That's why we're done for the day once we get back to town. Race you back!" she said, kicking her horse to get a head start. Quinn shook her head and tried to catch up, but Santana was the sheriff and had the fastest horse in town.

When they got back, they took their horses back to the stable and went their separate ways home. Santana threw her hat down and kicked off her big boots. She took the shiny sheriff's badge off her vest and the gun out of her holster and placed them on the table in front of her. She grabbed the bottle of warm tequila off the same table and took a swig to help her calm down. The thought of waking up so early made her stressed; there were not many things the sheriff hated more than the morning.

Meanwhile, at Quinn and Rachel's, Rachel was busy fretting after Quinn. As expected, Rachel was not happy with the plan to just ambush Susie Sylvester. She did, however, find it sort of charming that Santana wanted to rescue Brittany, so she couldn't be too mad. She warned Quinn to be safe, and told her that as long as she came home in one piece she would get rewarded.

The next morning came too quickly for both the sheriff and her deputy. For the sheriff, every morning was too early, and for the deputy… we'll let's just say she didn't want to leave the arms of her girlfriend before the sun even came up. The two sucked it up though; they had made a vow to protect the law and Susie Sylvester was breaking it. Rachel got up with them to prepare their horses and kiss Quinn goodbye. Santana brought the two coffee for the ride to Rattlesnake Canyon and instructed Rachel to go back to bed or she'd arrest her. Rachel smiled and promised she would. Santana and Quinn went off into the darkness to save Brittany (and the other girls).

"So, what's your plan after we rescue your girl?" Quinn teased.

"Quinn," Santana warned.

"What? Are you going to ride off into the sunset? Well, I guess it's too early for that. The sunrise?"

"What if I am?"

"Then that'd be super cute and I don't know how she'd say no."

Santana smiled and they reached Rattlesnake Canyon. Susie Sylvester was already there. The sun was beginning to rise and they could see she was yelling at girls to do weird jumpy things. They kind of looked cool, but they didn't see the point. Santana saw Brittany, beautifully throwing herself in the air much better than the other girls. She knew that she could not risk messing this up.

"We're going to have to ride down into the canyon as quietly as possible so they don't hear us coming. I'm sure she's going to pull out her gun, so I'll face off with her and you sneak behind her to get the girls."

"Even Brittany?"

"Yeah, you know how badass I'll look with my gun out, pointed towards the person who captured her? But I'll need you to be my backup. I-, I need you deputy."

"Oh, don't get all emotional on me. Let's go."

The two rode down into the canyon as quietly as they could. When they reached the bottom, they could hear Susie yelling at the girls. She even yelled at Brittany, who couldn't be doing whatever it was she was supposed to wrong. Santana grabbed her gun and kicked her horse to go straight for Susie.

"Put your hands up Susie Sylvester," Santana yelled, pulling out her gun and cocking it. She was wasting no time.

"Ah, Sheriff, nice to see you on this bright and early morning. What's the gun for?"

"Oh shut up, you know you've kidnapped four girls, including the mayor's daughter! Now, you're coming with me back into town."

"Oh c'mon, you know it's not going to be that easy. Besides, who's going to take all these girls home?" Susie said, turning her horse to gesture towards the girls. However, Quinn had already settled one girl on the horse with her and two more on a horse she took from Susie's lone henchmen. He was tied up, wiggling around like a snake on the ground. Santana scoffed.

"You didn't think I'd come alone, did you?" Santana asked.

Susie was left speechless, something that had never happened in the history of ever. Quinn had a problem though; Brittany still needed a horse to ride on because there was no room for her anywhere else. Santana saw the problem and knew she would have to be the one to save Brittany. Susie saw that Santana has that problem as well.

"Well, it seems we have a slight problem. I don't want to go to jail and you have one more girl to save. So, let's make a deal. You get the girl, and I get to go- no jail."

Santana knew she had no other choice. "Fine, but no funny business. You ride off now and I get the girl."

Rescuing the girls would make up for Susie getting away. It had to. Susie knew the deal she had was golden, so she galloped off as quickly as possible and Santana rode towards Brittany.

"You let her get away," were the girl's first words to the sheriff.

"Yeah, but I had to save you," Santana said, taken off guard.

"Thank you," Brittany said, kissing her quickly and softly.

"What was that for?" Santana asked, pleasantly surprised.

"The princess is supposed to kiss the knight once she's rescued," she said matter of factly.

Brittany hoisted herself onto the horse and she at Santana drove off into the sunrise. It was not an average day in the wild wild west. Though the sheriff would never admit it, she fell in love with Brittany the minute they saw her and Brittany's kindness softened her. Susie Sylvester disappeared, but they all knew it wouldn't be for long. Santana and Quinn were ready to face their opponent. Besides, they had beautiful girlfriends to go home to, to make sure they stayed safe for.


End file.
